Preventing Violent Behavior In Your Child

Dr. Gerald Deskin, Ph.D.

Parents need to be armored against surprises about what their children are doing. There are warning signs that should that should signal parents to take action before their child does something drastic that could change their life.

Changes in behavior are a signal that something important is happening. Children who become more isolated from friends, or begin to hang out with different friends who are among the less socially accepted, are signs that something important is going on.

Children's frustration and anger with other children, their teachers or their school may be signaling that they have a problem. It is not only the anger, but also the seeming inability to solve these problems that is important. We all feel anger at times, but some children seem continually angry and seem to stay that way.

Anger may show itself as extreme irritability that leads to a child’s frequent loss of temper or both, at school, or at home. This irritability inevitably leads to fights or arguments at school and often to rejection by other children. There is a narrowing of social interactions, or the number of children this child can relate to.

A child may show extremely impulsive behavior that he/she is unwilling or unable to control. This behavior is another risk factor in a child acting out aggressively at some point. Each one of these behaviors should be taken as warning signs that parents need to be watchful of their child’s behavior.

Parents can prevent violent behavior by helping a child reduce these risk factors. These are not behaviors that can be ignored with the thought that it is just a passing phase that your child will grow out of. Parents should take an active role in monitoring their children in several ways. Limiting the watching of violent TV and movies is helpful. Monitoring the kinds of friends a child has is also important. Knowing the range of behavior your child exhibits is helpful. The child who is showing violent behavior towards other children is clearly at risk. The child who shows cruelty to animals, or one who sets fires clearly has problems that need to be helped. The child who is destructive or vandalizes property needs help.

Parents can help by keeping guns locked up and unavailable to children. The number of shootings by children is rising in our society at an alarming rate. New gun laws are already being enacted. Parents have a chance to avoid serious violence happening by being observant of any changes in their children to become more violent. Any significant change suggesting that your child is unhappy and cannot solve his/her social problems needs to be explored. Violent, angry feelings are not going to disappear, but we can learn to channel them into more acceptable behavior. As children become involved in areas they are interested in and where they can succeed, there is often less need to act out aggressively. For some this may be music, or karate, or some other area of interest. What is important is their interest and a feeling of success.

Suggestions for Parents:

Parents need to observe their child’s behavior. Any change in behavior towards being more isolated and/or more aggressive suggests your child may need professional help.
If possible, help steer your child to some group activity.
Make sure your home is not one where a child is exposed to violent arguments or constant anger.