Listen to Your Child

Dr. Gerald Deskin, Ph.D.

A common complaint that parents have is that their child does not listen to them. The reverse is often true as well. Children grow up with many problems, but their parents often don’t listen to them.

If the problem is a physical one parents are more likely to listen to the problem, but not always. There are other important problems that children will talk to their parents about that may not get listened to.

Learning problems are often ignored. Parents tend to downplay learning problems and say to the child, “If you work harder you will understand it better,” or “Study harder” or some equivalent. About 15% of children have learning problems, some simple and some complex. Research has shown that many children who do not receive help with their problems tend to fall further behind. What is a simple problem may over time become a major problem where a child is no longer able to keep up with the class. Yet the problem initially is simple to resolve. If your child, as an example, is behind in arithmetic, it may be easily resolved with a little help but after the child is six months or more behind the problem becomes much more serious. Arithmetic is one of the academic subjects that are built in a step-by-step manner where the child has to resolve the basic steps before moving onto the following steps. It is important to listen to your child and get suitable help when your child is asking for help. If you are one of those rare parents who can comfortably help your child solve the problem then do it. If you cannot, then seek suitable professional help.

Parents who feel that a child’s problems are simply less important than their own also often ignore emotional problems. A good example of this is an adolescents falling in love. Parents smile and downplay the intensity of feeling, yet more adolescents attempt suicide than at any other age. We used to think that depression is an adult disease. We have found children as young as four with a major depression. Parents need to listen to their children when they confide in parents what is bothering them. Again sometimes parents can help their child with emotional conflicts. If they are apprehensive to, then professional help of a good child counselor or child psychologist may help resolve the problem.

We tend to use the term “Child’s play” to mean something simple or easy, or of little importance. Yet to your child everything they do is important to them. The parent who downplays their child’s needs and feelings is making a major mistake that may lead to unfortunate consequences.

We live in a society where time and timing is of major importance. Children are supposed to complete certain tasks on time. If a child falls behind in school, the class moves on and the child is left behind. This academic weakness engenders a feeling of failure that colors the way a child looks at education and school. The child who learns to give up easily because school is too difficult builds a way of dealing with life that is not beneficial. Expecting to fail or to be second rate is not what you want your child to feel. If you listen more closely to what your child says and make sure the appropriate help is available, it is possible to avoid this downward spiral.

Suggestion for parents:

Parents need to learn to listen to what their child is saying and pay attention to their needs. Whether the problem is educational or emotional each parents needs to decide whether they can help resolve the problem or the child is in need of professional help.