Homework is for Children, Not Parents

Dr. Gerald Deskin, Ph.D.

Parents who want to help their children sometimes harm them rather than help them, by doing their homework for them.

Your child learns a great deal by doing homework. Other than the subject matter involved, children learn how to go about solving a problem. Success in doing their homework builds self-esteem and a feeling of competence and pride. For young children who have had everything done for them, homework gives them a chance to spread their wings and show both the teacher and their parents what they can do.

Should parents help their child with homework? Of course parents should be there to guide their child, answer questions and point them in the right direction, but not to do the homework for them. Most teachers will only give children work to do at home that they expect the child to be able to do. If the child cannot do the work it means either the teacher is in error, or more likely that the child either did not understand the directions given by the teacher, or wasn’t paying attention. In this case parents may need to explain what needs to be done and allow the child to then do it correctly.

What happens if your child makes a mistake? There are several ways of looking at this problem. If you correct your child’s errors, how will the teacher know how much your child knows? It might be a good idea to ask the teacher whether she wants perfect papers returned, or to know how much your child has learned. Another way of handling this problem is to point out the child’s errors and see if the errors can be corrected. Allowing your child to correct mistakes gives a child a feeling of independence, of being self sufficient and helps the child to be motivated to do their own work.

When your child is too dependent and wants you to do the work for him/her you need to be supportive and encouraging, yet firm. Keep clear in your mind what your role should be and what your child should do for him/herself. As parents we often have a tendency to do too much. We need to be loving and supportive when a child is learning. We also want to encourage independence and help our child to grow. If we maintain this role of encouraging the child to see us as resources rather than someone who will actually do the work, they not only learn, they gain the satisfaction of becoming more independent.

Parents can help by setting up a regular daily homework time. Children should learn this important lesson early. First, that there is a time after school that is set aside for doing homework. Secondly, that parents answer questions and help the child to do their own work, but won’t do the work for them. If a child is not able to do an assignment and the parent also does not know how to do it, then either contact another parent of a child in the same class, or phone the teacher. As parents we have forgotten much of what we learned many years ago, particularly in areas such as math, or science. Let your child know that you are not afraid to admit you do not know everything, but you are willing to learn.

Suggestions for parents:

Help set up a study time for your child to do his/her own homework.
Be there as a resource person to help, but not do your child’s homework.
If your child doesn’t know how to solve a problem and neither do you, call another parent of a child in the same class, or call the teacher for clarification.