The Learning Center Foundation

Not only is divorce traumatic for the adults involved, it is traumatic to the school age child. As children start school they begin the process of becoming independent from their parents. They begin to learn how interact with other children and adults without the immediate supervision of their parents. So it is especially difficult for the child to handle the thought of his/her routine to change and the stability and constancy of their home to end. The result is that a child may show feelings of resentment, anger and anxiety over what is about to happen. Who will take care of him/her? What will life be like without father or mother, and who caused the problem in he first place. Children inevitably feel guilty and blame themselves, even though reassured by both parents that it is not their fault.

Tell your child when parents have made a decision, not when there is a possibility of divorce. Raising a child’s anxiety for what may not happen is not healthy for children. Be honest and tell your child you are divorcing while at the same time reassuring the child that it is not their fault. There is nothing positive for a child in your divorce so do not emphasize the good outcomes of the divorce, unless it is clear to your child from the extensive arguing and fighting why you are divorcing.